I’m Tired. Tired of Playing the Game.
Are you passionate about your work? Or is it a way to pay your bills and keep a roof over your head? If you’re not passionate, do you at least like what you do?
In general, I’m pretty happy with where things are in my life. For now. I will finally be separating from my folks and moving into my own space (thank GOD!), I feel like I’ve got a good grasp on my job and am happy with my work environment in general, and Joey is doing really well, so I can’t ask for more. Except…I want more.
I know I am not passionate about my work because it is a way for me to pay my bills. I fell into this type of work on accident and have been stuck in a vicious cycle ever since. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get out. Partly because I know I’m not trying very hard, but also because I feel like not only are funds lmited, but my options are limited too.
In two weeks I’ll be turning 36. I am feeling boxed in, like time is running out and I have to make a decision right now. I know that’s silly. 36 isn’t old and there is plenty of time for me to take on whatever I want to take on…I just wish I knew what it was.
I have a lot of interests. There are many things I’d love to do. Choosing one will be difficult. And scary. What if I don’t like it? What if it’s not what I thought it would be? I’ll have invested time in it and have to start over with something else? Eeek. That thought scares me. And makes me want to stay in my comfort zone. A zone where I know I’ll make good money and have job security. A zone that won’t let me down except in every way that truly matters.
I am making excuses for not trying something new. I know it. I just wish I knew how to stop making excuses and start living a really passionate life.
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8 Responses to “I’m Tired. Tired of Playing the Game.”
January 10th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Wow. I was thinking along these exact same lines this morning and then I come here and read this. I hear ya. I finally decided to take the plunge and go to grad school while I’m at my current job b/c of a great tuition benefit. Is it the right step for me? I’m not sure but I’m going to give it a go anyway. Because it is a step toward something, instead of remaining stagnant, which is what I have been doing for the past several years. But the job itself? Strictly to pay the ever-lovin’ bills. I’m just using them to pay for school! BWAHAHAHAHAH.
Someone once told me to try something new everyday. Take an art class, read a book you’d otherwise not pick up, become a mentor, etc. Maybe small steps will help you find what you’re looking for?
January 10th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
From my experience, it’s just like skydiving–get all the info you can, think it through, plan, practice, then jump.
Those interests? Test them out–learn more about them, try them out (freelance if applicable, intern if work allows, talk to people who are doing what you want to do), etc.
Basically, see it as a problem to be solved, rather than a huge life revolution. And if you ever think you are making too radical a change, check out Liz Seymour’s blog and whatever you are considering will seem tame!
I have faith in you, I think you can pull it off!
January 10th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Personally I do not think that you should be afraid to try something new … even if you did not like it you could always change your career again… some of the happiest people I know have continued their learning throughout their life and have changed their careers to match where they were in their lives! Looking forward to seeing where you end up… I’ll bet whatever you choose will make you happy and bring home the coin you need!
January 11th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Passion can get you in a lot of trouble. I’ve lead a passionate life for the last 36 years. It’s fun, but then one day you wake up and kinda wish you’d opted for security … or maybe us humans will always want what we don’t have, huh?
January 11th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Like Finn above, I went to grad school with assistance from my employer, it turned out great… I’m definitely in a career now not a job.
January 11th, 2008 at 10:24 am
I’m with Sara Sue here. I’m incredibly passionate about my work, but I make SHIT money doing it. I’ve been in it so long now, though, I just can’t see going in any other direction.
January 11th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Finn: That’s great that you’re pursuing a higher degree. The best of luck to you!
Brent: Yeah, that’s the logical thing to do. Maybe I should get me some of that logic. Seriously though, I do need to pluck up the courage and just get on with it. Right?
Kelly: YOu know, you hit the nail on the head, I’m terrified to try something new. SO many things going through my head, not the least of which is “what will everyone think?” Ugh.
Sara Sue: Bingo mamma. We ALWAYS want what we can’t have.
Billymac: Nice. I can go to school on the company dime, unfortunately, I’d have to get a degree that would “benefit the company” and no way in hell am I staying in the banking industry.
Cowboy: I just want to look forward to my job too! I don’t really care all that much about the money, just that I’m doing something I love.
January 12th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
You sound as if you’re going to regret it if you don’t try something else, so I’d say figure out some way to start the process, a little at a time. I’m doing what I love but, as Cowboy said, I’m not making a bunch of money. But I know I wouldn’t want to be making a bunch of money and be frustrated or bored, so it’s a trade-off I make.
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