I’m out. Deliberately Avoiding Your Call.

It’s been WAY too long since I bragged about The Joe, so brace yourself. Some serious mommy pride is about to unleash itself all over this blog.

Last night was the end of year pot luck and Jazz Night concert at Joey’s school. Each year, all the bands (Freshman, Stage, Concert, Symphonic and Jazz) get together for a potluck with their families and to pay tribute to the graduating seniors and then have one final jazz concert with Stage and Jazz bands. Each band votes on various awards in their class, stuff like “best wind player”, “most inspirational”, etc. Then scholarships are given out.

Well, my baby went and won THREE awards: Best Brass Player in Concert Band, Most Improved in Jazz Band and won a scholarship for one semester of lessons paid for by the Band Booster Club. EEEEK! I couldn’t be more proud.

Then of course, they rocked it at the concert. He technically isn’t part of Stage Band anymore since moving up to Jazz Band, but he had a free period during the Stage Band class and would go in and play with them just to be able to play. So he played with both bands last night. It was freaking amazing. Video will hopefully be uploaded later this afternoon, so of course I will post at least one song when that’s done.

OK, all done bragging. Carry on.

In coming up with my plan for the future, I read. A lot. I did tons of research on getting myself moving toward a more positive direction. I’m normally not a self help book type of girl, but I read a few this last months. Some were downright depressing, while others had practical tips and encouragement that were well worth the trip to the library.

I made lists. Good/Bad, Pro/Con, career lists, etc. I wrote scenarios of my perfect life. I wrote scenarios of the shittiest life I could imagine. I even made a collage (now working toward a shadow box) in order to keep myself motivated and moving in the right direction.

In all this research and soul searching, I came to the conclusion that I sort of pondered a few months ago: It’s time to go back to school. Ever since I started thinking about school, I’ve been really resistant to the whole idea. I just can’t imagine getting back into an educational environment. And while I know I am not the oldest person in the world to return to school, I feel like I might be chasing a pipe dream. At the same time, I am excited beyond belief to finally be doing something for myself.

So I registered for classes yesterday. There’s no turning back now.

18 Things Grown Men Should Never Have

1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You’re smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you’re going to lose.

2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don’t let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.

3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her…along with breakfast in bed.

4. PlayStation thumb. When they’re relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you’re assuredly missing out on life.

5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don’t know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.

6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he’ll be.

7. An unstamped passport.

8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.

9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.

10.A name for his penis. Even if it’s a really clever name.

11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.

12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else’s lines reminds people that you haven’t the wit to write your own.

13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, “Take me on your futon.”

14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.

15. A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else’s office.

16. A secret handshake.

17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald’s Hamburglar ones.

18. A recent story with the phrase “So I said to the cop…”

“To begin my life with the beginning of my life, I record that I was born…”* Wait, maybe that’s too far back.

A lot of my life has been spent looking forward. So far forward in fact that I tend to forget the many, MANY steps it takes to get to the point I want to reach. I have never been one to sit down and make a plan. Almost every thing I’ve ever done has been due to a deep unhappiness with myself.

In 2006, when I decided to move, I did it on a whim. I knew living in Phoenix was not what I wanted for myself or for Joey. So after a brief vacation on the east coast, I decided very quickly that I wanted to move there. I had a couple friends there and I was fairly confident I could get a job quickly. Only after a few weeks of searching, nothing was coming to fruition. And then I received a call from a former colleague and good friend here in Portland.

It was his suggestion that I move to the Pac NW. So I abandoned my plan to move east and started applying for jobs in Portland. Just like that. No thought. No lists of pro’s and con’s or research into the area or economy. I was frustrated with my current search so immediately delved into a new search. Within in three weeks I had been granted an interview and then offered a job.

I was thrilled, to say the least. I accepted the job, again without any research into the company (although it’s fairly well known and has, for the most part, a great reputation), no thought into where I was going to live or where Joey would go to school. I just jumped right into a new situation, just knowing I would be happier. What’s that saying? Hind sight is always 20/20.

Needless to say I have been less than excited about the job, the city and the weather. To put it bluntly, they all stink. Big time. I know I’ve complained ad nauseum about how much I hate it here, so it’s not really all that big of a revelation.

However, over the last almost two years since I arrived in Portland, I’ve changed dramatically. For one, I’ve had several internal revelations about who I am and where I’m heading in life. That’s never happened for me before. While I’d like to say I’ve started to make plans for those revelations, that would be a lie. The major difference is that I’ve at least taken a step back and really looked at the bigger picture. And I have to tell you, it’s a beautiful scene.

I’ve committed to staying here until 2010, the year Joey graduates. A little over two years. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not long at all. Barely the blink of an eye. But also long enough to make a plan. A good one.

to be continued…

* How could I come up with something better than that? I mean, really, Dickens pretty much nailed it on how we all begin our lives.

** The blog stays. At least for another year.

I made the featured confession on the “True Office Confessions” Website! Woo hoo!

Yes, I know. I need a life. It’s still exciting.