I’m out. Deliberately Avoiding Your Call.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sucker. I don’t like to say no to people. Not any people. Panhandler’s get me every single time. If my kid wants something, unless it’s completely outrageous, you can bet he’ll be getting it. When my family asks me to do something, I’ll go out of my way to get it done. All because I’m afraid of disappointing people, even strangers.

It’s a flaw I have and honestly, it’s getting out of hand. Lately, my time has become limited. But I still find myself saying yes with my family, when I should really say no. Maybe it’s because we’re in such close proximity. Actually, it’s DEFINITELY because we’re close. There are times when I don’t feel like my life is my own.

Everything hinges on what my parents/brother/niece are doing. I thought moving to separate homes was going to reduce the amount of time we spend together, but really, it hasn’t. I don’t blame them totally. I blame myself mostly. Because I can’t say no.

This isn’t a new problem. It’s been this way for years. I look at my folks and don’t understand how they could want to be around me so much. I mean hell, they married each other when they were 18 and 16 to get the heck away from their families. Why don’t they understand that’s what I want? I know they didn’t love their folks and siblings any less. They just needed to feel independence. I need that too. But every time I talk about it, I feel like I’m letting them down somehow by wanting to get away. It’s all in my head I’m sure. I have to work it out somehow. I just wish I knew where to start without having that guilt weighing me down.

First off, let me start by saying how much I love my new apartment. It’s perfect. Beautiful craftsman style architecture on the outside, spacious and well layed (laid? I never know) out on the inside and a beautiful view of Mt Hood. It’s cute as hell and I can’t get over the fact that I was able to secure the exact apartment I wanted. I couldn’t be happier…except, I really could.

You see, I live on the ground floor. By choice mind you, seeing as I didn’t want to do any damage to our newly purchased piano and thought it would just be easier all around to be on the bottom floor. Of course that means you hear your upstairs neighbors walking around, and their baby crying at all hours of the day and night, but those are things I can live with. What I am having difficulty living with is the bitch on the third floor who smokes and then throws her butts over the balcony to land in my flowers and all over my patio.

I don’t mind if people smoke. Hell, it’s your body and you can do whatever you want to it. I’m in no position to tell anyone how to live. But I do mind when someone inflicts their gross personal habits on my space. Not only that, but we live in a non smoking building so she is technically not even supposed to be on the sidewalk that runs around our building, much less smoking inside the apartment (or on the balcony). None of my business mind you, but it’s starting to become a real problem for me.

I don’t want to be seen as the annoying neighbor who rats on her fellow apartment dwellers. I like keeping the peace. But I also don’t want to live with this problem any more. I have considered going out there, sweeping them all up and then depositing the whole mess on her doorstep, but that might start something I’m not prepared for, like physical violence. Or a grudge. No thanks.

Of course, I’m not very popular right now anyway, what with my almost burning down the apartment building with a pizza a few short weeks ago. So maybe I should just go and rat this girl out. What a mess.

On the upside, classes are going well. This pre-calculus is going to kick my ass for the next eight weeks. I hope I can pull out a passing grade so I can move on from that whole mess!

And I feel like I’m going to throw up. It’s been a good few years since I’ve been in an academic environment where I’m not the teacher. I wonder if I’m making a mistake. I’m so nervous, it’s completely out of character for me. I know I’ll be fine once the first class is over. Pre-calculus. Could I have picked an harder class to start with? I’m such a dork.

Classes start on Monday. I’m not prepared. I don’t even have my books yet. I’m such a slacker.
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I could give two shits about the election right now. I mean really, is anything going to change? No, I don’t think so. I just don’t care any more.
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When do finances ever balance out?! I swear if it’s not one thing it’s another; regular monthly bills, car maintenance, school fees, JOEY!, etc.
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How about that Joan Rivers? I don’t normally care for her, but you gotta love a broad who will REALLY tell it like it is. There aren’t enough of those people around.
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I’ve started walking to work every other day this week. It’s been ok so far. I’m sore as hell (a little under 2 miles each way) but I suppose that’s a good kind of sore. I don’t understand people who enjoy self inflicted pain from exercise. Maybe one day I’ll get there.
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I had a great time at my friend’s wedding in Annapolis. Although it was hotter than hell, and I thought I might have to pour myself into a soup bowl to fly home. I was sweating like a pig. Attractive right?
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My sister is home for a visit until tomorrow. She’s been here for two weeks now and I’ve hardly seen her. Right before she left, she got new orders…to Kadena, Japan. It was a major shock since she’s been preparing for the Middle East for six months now and was under the impression she would be returning to Little Rock once her tour was over. But because she put Japan down as one of her interests for assignment, and a position came open, she got it. So on the upside, no Iraq…for now. On the downside, it’s a lot harder to just fly home from Japan than it is from Arkansas.