I’m out. Deliberately Avoiding Your Call.

The week in review:

Monday: My sisters birthday. Shit. I didn’t get her anything. I sent her a text message. I know it’s not the same, but really, what can she possibly use at Ft. Leonard Wood that I would send her? Nothing that’s what. So now I don’t feel so bad.

Tuesday: Joey comes home with the announcement he’s going to Stockton and he’s also competing this weekend in two events: Lincoln/Douglas debate and performing a duo. He had just gotten his duo script that day. Tuesday night is spent memorizing lines. Fun stuff.

Wednesday: The boss is gone so I can work on mundane things that need doing but are impossible to do when she’s in the office. That night, Joey comes home with his LD statement: The death penalty ought not be used by society as a form of punishment. Lovely. So we’re up until 12:30 working on an affirmative case.

Thursday: Computer problems at work. An obscene phone call from our support technician Darth Vader who promplty deletes all of the bosses personal folders. Ooops. That made for a really wonderful afternoon. 4:58 p.m. message from Joey: “Mom, I told Ms. R. that you and Sarge would volunteer to judge this Saturday. Love you, bye.” Joey stays at school until 6:00 working on his duo then promptly goes to bed. I can’t sleep because I’m worried about his debate. Ugh.

Friday: Computer problem is finally fixed and all folders are magically restored (THANK GOD). 1:00 p.m. The boss and I head downtown to see a drag show performed by one of our very own employees. Quite a way to spend a Friday afternoon. Friday night was the Homecoming game which he had to play at. It was fun but fucking COLD! I froze my toes right off. After that of course was spent working on Joey’s neg case for his debate. Until 1:15 a.m., then practicing his duo a couple of times. Then of course ironing his suit for the competition. Ugh.

Saturday: 7:45 a.m. - 6:20 p.m. - Judging various speach and debate competitions. Literally the whole day was shot. It was fun, and I’m glad I did it. Sadly, I wasn’t able to see Joey perform at all. He didn’t advance in Debate because his second round he was given a by so wasn’t able to earn enough points to advance. And the duo performance he thought was great, but there were over 150 entries and only 6 made it to the next round, so his day was over at 2:45. He wasn’t too bummed since this is the first competition of the season. He’s also considering picking up either a prose piece or a humorous interpretation. I think he’d be great at both…but I’m his mom so I think he’s great at everything.

I’m exhausted! I don’t think I’m taking my jammies off all day!

One thing that might be evident to some is that I am wholly unhappy with the work I do. And when I say wholly unhappy, I mean that I hate every single thing about my job. It’s not really the job so much as it is the lack of interesting things that happen in it. When I decided leave Phoenix last March, I knew I wouldn’t have a problem finding a job for two reasons: 1. There are thousands of “secretarial” jobs available and 2. Because I am a rock star at what I do. I don’t say that to brag, but what it takes a normal person 8 hours to do, I can accomplish in about two. Mostly because I learned early on the majority of any secretarial job is pacing the work. Now I know that some people really have more work than one person can do and that it’s not fair. Believe me, I was in a job that required three people who could worked about 10 hours of overtime per person each week and still have work left over. Only I did it alone. For five years I was a slave to my job and learned the hardway how to be as productive as possible without working every single hour of every single day. Which is why now I can be so productive in such short periods of time.

But lately I’ve been unhappy with the lack of work I have to do. Crazy right? I think so too. But there has to be more to a job than shuffling papers, coordinating calendars and taking minutes. So this last week I’ve thought a lot about other things I want to do. Eventually I want to run my own business. But I know I’m not ready. There are certain freedoms I don’t want to give up just yet that running a business would require me to relinquish.

What would be a fun job that would allow me to be around people, not get bored and have fun too? I’ve thought long and hard about this and have come up with this solution: I should be a bartender. It has all the makings of a great job. Lots of people (drunk I’m sure, but people none the less), no boring lulls in the evening (see drunks), and you can’t tell me it wouldn’t be a blast mixing drinks, listening to music and playing jokes on the resident lushes!

I mean really, it could work….Right?

OK, maybe not. But I’m at a loss for what I really want. I have worked pretty hard in order to be the best I can be, but now it’s not enough. Maybe because I feel like I’ve mastered it? Maybe I’m just tired of being someone else’s servant. Who knows. What I do know is my son will graduate from high school in three years, and I want to start a new life then. I want something exciting. Something I love. Something which will add to my happiness. There are many things I’ve thought of doing, but somehow I don’t know that any one of them is “the” thing I really want. I know what I like to do. I know things that enhance my happiness, but I don’t know how to go about forming them into a career.

It’s frustrating to wake every morning, hit the door at a job I am sure will drive me to drink, and spend 9 hours chained to a desk, feeling like I’m inconveniencing the staff by just going to the bathroom. It sucks and I’m not sure how much longer I can take it. I need something else. Quickly.

The coming weeks will see me exploring career options, possibly returning to school and most importantly figuring out how to get out from behind the desk.